Lizard Destroys Ants in Touchscreen Game

An increasingly frustrated lizard plays a game called Ant Crusher. He's pretty good, but is no less hungry than before he started.

That lizard has got some skills.  Could even show my mom a thing or two about touchscreens!

The Cobra CXT85 – A Technical Report

 
Over the past few weeks I have been in a team producing a technical report for my English class in my Civil Engineering Technology program at NAIT.  After many hours of work I thought I would, well, show off the work a bit.

I will have to ask for a bit of…er…. grace.  I know the report isn’t perfect.  It is bound to have errors in spelling and grammar.  My group had a limited amount of time to complete the project.  However, I think you will find it would be useful for anyone wanting to know the integral components of a handheld transceiver and how they work in conjunction.  There are several pages of credible sources as well.  Anyways, if you feel like reading a technical report on how (I believe) a walkie talkie works, feel free to check it out with the link below!

The Cobra CXT85 - A Technical Report

T3 Creativity

Click on the picture for a bigger view! 

Wisdom Teeth–the Follow-up

 

So after much (fearful) anticipation, the moment finally came when I had to walk down a long hallway to the operating room.  I must have been at least a little bit calm because I noted the intricate wood design covering both walls and the shiny marble (or maybe granite) floor as I walked along the corridor.

 

I finally arrived in the operating room were there were all kinds of sharp looking things, tubes, and four different people who looked like they were very busy.  “I’m only getting teeth removed",”  I thought to myself, “Four people are necessary?????  Uh oh….”  I was pretty nervous at this point.  But as I was told to sit down on this plastic chair in the middle of the room and a plastic bag was put over my head (in case I started vomiting apparently) I started praying.  After all, this may be scary to me (however insignificant removing wisdom teeth may seem in the grand scheme of things), but God’s got it under control.

 

I mention, twice, my fear of needles and how the last time they missed numerous times as various different tubes began to be laid across my body.  Twice I asked for laughing gas and twice they responded, “That’s only for little kids.”  “Don’t worry,” they said.  Ya…. that helped.  Haha.  So a few seconds later with me looking away and bracing for pain it was announced that the IV had been inserted into my arm.  I was confused.  “Did they really get it or are they just lying and are going to surprise stab me?”  They did surprise me… it was already in.  Apparently I was so focussed on preparing for the pain that I had completely missed the fact that the pain (of the needle) was already over.

 

“When are you going to use that general anaesthetic stuff?” I asked.  It will hit you in about sixty seconds.  I started singing in my head.  I was a little bit scattered in my thinking at that point so I think I sang the first verse of about four different songs and went over a short memory verse.

 

BAM!  I woke up to a lady pulling a tube out of my nose in a completely different room.  I was in the recovery position, not even on the same chair or bed as I had been in the operating room.  Wow.  Weird.  My tongue felt as if it was expanding in my mouth, barely able to fit inside.  Oh, my tongue is outside my mouth.  Good I looked down, because I couldn’t feel a thing and if I hadn’t, it may have been there for a while.  My entire face is without feeling.  That’s good though, they just removed 4 bones from my mouth.  To feel would not be good.

 

The nurse left after asking if I was ok.  I tried to respond but couldn’t.  Between the numbness and the massive wadding in my mouth my efforts were futile.  I gave her the thumbs up and smiled as best I could.  For all I know when I thought smile, she saw drool.  I lay there for almost an hour enraptured by this device at the foot of my bed.  Blood pressure, oxygen something or other, and heart rate.  I was surprisingly calm.  Blood pressure was optimal, the oxygen thingy showed 100% (I have no idea what that means), my heart rate was averaging around 52 bpm.  Occasionally I would drift off to sleep only to be woken up by the heart monitor yelling at me for allowing my heart rate to drop below 50 bpm.  Apparently that’s not good.  I should get that checked, my heart rate is always right around there.  Anyways, I would try to move a little bit and my heart rate would climb up to 60 or 65 bpm and begin to drop back down as I stopped moving.

 

Then I realized something quite exciting to me.  While I could not feel my face I could tell that I was not wet!  This was very good!  Haha

 

After getting ‘briefed’ on what to do and not to do I was allowed to go home.  Thankfully I have taken a few pictures of the experience.  They aren’t too spectacular but I figured I could post picture updates on how I’m doing.  (That’s for you, my worried mother)  The pain is supposed to peak near the 72 hour mark so we will see how it goes!

 

Hopefully this didn’t bore you too much!  Thanks for reading and check out the picture updates! 

Wisdom Teeth–Timeline Pictures (IMPORTANT UPDATE)

- What I normally look like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Day - 11:00 am - Sadly I wasn’t able to take pictures of the operating room, so instead I drew a diagram.  It’s bad, I know, but I’m on drugs.  Give me a break!  You can click on the picture if you want a bigger view!

 

 

12:45 pm -  Right after the operation… A little pale and some swelling but not too bad otherwise

                                                                    

1:15 pm  -  They told me to have ice on 24/7 and this is the attractive thing they gave me to put it in!  A bit more swelling here

4:00 pm  -  I’m starting (and look) to feel more an more bloated by this point.  I just changed the ice to find that I was unknowingly drooling on myself.  Can’t feel my entire face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Second Day – 6:00pm – Thankfully I’m not quite as swollen today.  I must say that I feel weirder right now than I have ever felt in my life.  Writing these three sentences took way too much effort!!!  T3 is hardcore!  (The doctor prescribed two every three hours!)

Wisdom Teeth

I wish it meant you that the more wisdom teeth you have, the wiser you are.  Apparently I’m a rather unusual person with six wisdom teeth.  Sadly, the fact that I have six wisdom teeth and likely a lot less wisdom than the average person with four, it doesn’t seem to work out.

Tomorrow morning I am getting my wisdom teeth removed.  In one single day I will be conquering two of my greatest fears; needless and being unconscious.

I have always had a dislike of needless, but my hatred and fear of them was solidified a while back when I had to go for some blood tests at the local hospital.  Three times they stabbed my arm to no avail so they tried the other arm.  Once…. fail.  Twice…. fail.  Three times????  Finally!!!  But with only half of a single vile needing to be filled it seemed that my vein had had enough.  The blood simply stopped coming.  Period.  The nurses solution?  Twisting the needle around in my arm to try to coax the uncooperative vein into yielding some more of its blood.  It hurt, a lot.  That wasn’t the worst part.  What really did the trick was seeing this foreign object stab and contort my flesh underneath my skin.  All I was thinking was, “That’s not supposed to be in there!!!”  The only time I want my muscles to move is when I tell them too, not when some foreign sharp object decides to go searching around for the nearest vein.  Since this point all objects that the medical field inserts into my body have gained an intense distrust.

My second fear, being unconscious, is not quite as intimidating.  Only once have I been unconscious and it was by no choice of my own.  It just happened.  There was no realization it was going to happen until it had already happened.  I didn’t even know until afterwards.  Now is entirely different.  I know I will be forced to become unconscious through the injection of some unknown drug through a large flippin’ needle (commonly referred to as an IV) at an unknown point after which I will be repeatedly stabbed and parts of my body removed.  I will have no control over the damage people may be doing to me.  I have also heard that I will have no control over my own bladder, which I find even more unnerving.  I like bladder control.  I have stayed away from food and liquid so I should be good.  Hopefully my body doesn’t magically come up with some liquids to expel during the surgery.  I would find that awkward.  Anyways, back from the rabbit trail, I don’t like being unconscious.  I guess, really, when I look at it, I want to be in control.  I don’t like putting my life into someone else’s hands.  I don’t know that surgeon.

Anyways, I’m sure I’ll be fine apart from psychological trauma.  Maybe I should ask for laughing gas as well.  That’s a thought!

Big Fan

Owl City, a electronica music project of the American Adam Young, was made famous by the quadruple-platinum hit single “Fireflies”.  In my conversation with friends and family I have encountered a wide variety opinions on his music.  Many have described the tune as catchy and fun but add that the words seem, well, completely erratic and without reason.  For many, the tune itself more than makes up for the lack of content in the words while for others the tune is empty and pointless without real heart and soul, words.

First of all, I must say that Adam Young is not only a extremely talented musician, he is also gifted in photography, videography, and blogging(which I have found to be an extremely difficult and time consuming art myself).  Secondly, I have found that I, contrary to most, see Adam Young as being as talented as a lyricist as he is as a musician.    I once thought that the words seemed empty, but as I listened carefully I began to draw some lines.  Almost all of his lyrics, particularly his latest album All Thing Bright and Beautiful, hold serious significance.  What I found most remarkable about his lyrics is his ability to weave in significant meaning through bold imagery and symbols.  These images and symbols, the deeper meaning of his songs, stand out clearly against the backdrop of his blog, Owl City Blog.  Blog posts such as Truth and Love as well as What It All Comes Down To and Jesus Will Come Again are obvious examples.
 
Among his various themed posts are blog entries like the ones above that assert that mankind, the human race, needs saving.  I won’t get into details but I will encourage you to go read the blog for yourself!  Listening to his music after being exposed to the blog was like hearing them for the first time all over again, but better.  Give it a shot.  Maybe start with Galaxies.  He is perhaps more obvious meaning.  Then move on to Kamikaze, which, when translated from Japanese, means spirit-wind.  As catchy as they are musically, I enjoy listening to these songs for the challenge of picking out Adam Young’s meaning.  Nearly every time I find one more image that I had missed every time prior!

So, Adam Young, all this to say that your music (and lyrics) are awesome!  Keep writing!  And please, come up to Canada!  I haven’t gone to an Owl City concert yet!

A Proverb

 

There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.  Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief.

 

Proverbs 14:12, 13

What is the truth about ethics?

“Chapter 5 of my English textbook is all about ethics,” my English teacher tells the class for the fifth time, somehow expecting that because the textbook says something is bad that the class will act accordingly.  I know without looking around the class that there were scattered sneers as they where given away by obvious snickers of contempt.  The teacher was telling us not to lie about the mark we received.  I ask myself, “Why should they believe this one chapter of this one English textbook when all throughout all other education they have been told that ethics are subjective?"  After all, what is right for you may or may not be right for me and vice versa.

What’s different now?  Is someone’s money on the line?  What changed ethics from subjective to objective?  Or perhaps the fact that ethics where subjective was the lie?  A lie?  Isn’t that only subjective?  Lets educate away right and wrong, good and evil.  There are no consequences until someone gets hurt, right?  But getting hurt is subjective so there will never be consequences.  Maybe this one chapter, chapter five out of this once English textbook, actually has it right.  A tiny bit of truth in a whole world of lies.  A tiny bit of truth people sneer at but know inside is true.    Maybe truth and ethics are not so different.

A liar is bound by the lies he makes for himself, trapped by the lies he tells others and even himself.  He tells himself that he will have good friends if he goes out and parties with the guys a bit more ignoring the fact that if anything of real value was said or done they were so plastered they won’t ever remember a single thing.  He tells himself that if he gets that next promotion he would be happy, but there is always another promotion.  He tells himself that after he gets divorced everything will be better, but his kids experience the truth day after day after day.  He tells himself that everything is ok as long as its fun, but as time ticks on he pays the consequences of the things he shouldn’t have done.

Before truth people stand condemned. Before truth there darkest secrets come to light. Truth huts, but it sets us free.  A man of truth knows that real friends experience real life together, good and bad, and remember.  He knows that the next promotion is just more time spent working for a little more money when he could be spending it with his wife and kids who love him and miss him.  He knows that life isn’t always easy but divorce is running away from your problems and in the end is going to hurt more people more than it hurts him now.  He knows there is so much more to life than momentary entertainment, that truth is hard in the moment but is better in the end.  Search out the truth.  Momentary pain, eternal gain.

He knows that truth is a person.

“I am the way, the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me," John 14:6

Beauty Perfected?

What would the world be like without media.  I spent some time imagining it today.  No magazines on the grocery store tills, no TV commercials, no Facebook ‘available singles in your area’, no movie or rock stars.  No more fake perfection.  There are no magazines glorifying the one with weight related high blood pressure, acne, large nose syndrome and ears that would dwarf those of Dumbo’s.  No more “I was ugly but now I’m so beautiful” adds.  When was the last time you saw a lead character in a movie who was ugly.  Granted there are some such as Ugly Betty but the entire move is then hinged around the fact that they aren’t beautiful, the lack of beauty is the story line.  I was reading an article the other day that was explaining the extreme sexualisation of media.  Almost all media is designed to attract one or both genders in a sexual way.

Another article I was reading hit perhaps a more sensitive subject.  It said that so many people are influenced and steeped in pornography that they can no longer carry on real relationships with the opposite sex in a respectful manner.  Relationships, for both genders, are increasingly becoming a means to an end.

But it doesn’t end there.  Don’t forget the fact that we must have our nice cars and nice houses.  Pool is pretty much a must if you really want a really nice place.  The grass must be nicely cut and trimmed and free of dandelions.  Why?!?!?  Because the actor/actress has a nice house and an Aston Martin??  Who said that grass isn’t a weed anyways?!?  It is everywhere and you always have to be watering it and fertilizing it to make it look green only to find as a result that it grows faster and needs cutting AGAIN!  Why?  Who said that grass isn’t a weed and everything else is?  That one thing is beautiful and accepted and the other is simply not.

So here is what I’m thinking.  Without all these rehearsed and perfected media forms and all their computer edited and perfected people, would our lives look different.  Would we begin to care less and less about the clothing style and size.  Would we begin to realize that no one really has perfect skin and not worry about putting on makeup to feel better about ourselves or to hide the fact that we aren’t perfect either.  Would we begin to treat each other as people to serve and not simply tools of gratification and pleasure.

I’m not saying that makeup is wrong.  What I am doing is pointing out what I think is misplaced focus.  We worry so much about things that simply don’t matter that much.  We place so much attention on the things that are, at the end of the day, simply subjective preferences.  It’s time to find something more significant and worthwhile to focus on.

It’s Time

A favourite song of mine is ‘Gone’ by Switchfoot.  (Listen to it here - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YISE0wk9XbY&feature=related)  While I have listened to it hundreds of times the reality of the song really hit me anew this past week.  How quickly time passes, it seems like it was only yesterday when a boarded a ferry away from Thetis Island, BC but look at the time that has passed?  What did I do with the time?

I imagine you have heard the saying time is money.  It is also said you can follow your money to where your heart is.  Now this may seem elementary or like one of those “NO DUHHH!” things, but again, it struck me.  If it is true that time is money and you can follow your money to find what you love it is interesting what you might find.  What do you love?  What do you spend your time and money on?  Is it worth it?

These are questions I have been asking myself.  To be frank, the results of my thoughts are disappointing.  I found that much of what I do isn’t worth the time it takes.

The thing is, it’s hard to change.  But the longer I spend wasting time, the harder it is going to be to break out of the mold I have formed by and for myself.  I can’t take back the time I’ve wasted in the past, it’s gone.  I also know that the present is going to be gone before I know it.  It’s time for me to stop wasting time.

Reflections

 

Late at night I stare at my reflection;
I'm no stranger to the real me that hides behind this "perfection".
My sin, I know it, much deeper than the sea.
What could people ever see in me?

You see, to you I may look all good.
Yet, If only I could make this understood.
Real goodness I lack,
Don't you see?  My heart is hardened and black.

I've tried my best,
worked hard, all the rest.
The harder I try I realize in fear
that the real me becomes evermore clear.

What sin you have not perceived,
The penalty He has already received.
I see the wholes in His hands and feet
as I gaze up to His mercy seat.

Who am I to deserve His grace?
To see His goodness, to look at His face.
Oh Lord! You gave Your one and only Son!
Cant' You see all that I’ve done?

Who am I to deserve this great love?
That You, Jesus, may come from above.
My heart is full of death and strife.
I don't deserve what You offer me, Your Life.

Lord, forgive me, I'm wrong.
I give up, I've been wrong all along.
You say Your grace is a gift,
so please save me, and please be swift!

Your love I don't deserve,
Yet You came down to save and to serve.
I once was a slave to sinful me.
By Your Life, Lord, You have set me gloriously free!

Late at night I stare at my reflection;
I'm no stranger to the real me that hides behind this "perfection".
My sin, I once knew it, but He’s washed me clean.
A more blessed man I have never been!

 

 

Matthew Walton

On Hope

A while back I was pondering the idea of hope.  Often I have heard it said, “I hope tomorrow is a nice day,” or “I hope your vacation went well.”  Is hope the simple chance that it is so often made out to be, or is it more?  Looking around at the lives of others I believe it to be more important and significant than we often make it out to be.  Hope is the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life.  Hope can exist in the happiest of days and in the darkest of nights; when things are at their best or their worst.  But I arrive to a question.  Hope about what?  What is your hope in?

When I am in the darkest hour of the night, surrounded by danger and uncertainty, is my hope certain?  Is it simply a hope that chance might favour me this time around or is it certain and unchanging?  Many people have found themselves in the dark hour grasping for hope.  Like a climber on a cliff face, they grope around for something solid to grab onto, something that they will be able to rest their weight on.  Often people search desperately for something they can hold onto as they are scaling the cliff of life. For many it’s that great job or that fantastic husband or wife. For others it’s the nice car and house and if you are particularly lucky a boat and pool. 

Walking around downtown Victoria a number of months ago I observed the crowds passing by.  It was later in the day and, as we passed bar after bar and strip club after strip club, I could tell the search for hope was in full swing.  As I looked on I saw thousands of men and women searching for hope in love, alcohol or a variety of other things.  Riding the BC-Transit bus later that night, I was struck by the universal desire for hope in all people.   As I was contemplating a young couple got onto the bus and began looking for a spot.  They had a bag full of clothing and were talking to each other about the days activities.  I moved over to give them room and introduced myself.  But this nagging thought of hope would not go away.  So I asked them a question.  “What do you find hope in?” I asked.  The response was thoughtful.  “That the business that we have started would do well,” was their reply.  I pressed further.  “What if it doesn’t succeed?  What if despite all your efforts the business fails?  What then?  What would you find hope in?”  As they thought my question over I saw a deep sense of sadness overtake them.  Smiles faded and their shoulders drooped.  They had a simple answer, “I don’t know.”

This is the sad state so many people find themselves in.  But, unlike the climber, there are no safety harnesses, no ropes to hold us up when we find the things we place our hope in are as fleeting as the wind.  I have known several people who have found themselves in this position, fumbling around for something they can depend on only to fall back into the great abyss of despair.  Let me be perfectly clear.  The sad but truthful reality is that a complete lack of hope always ends in suicide.  The evidence of this hopelessness surrounds us.  Martin Luther King, Jr. himself spoke of the significance of hope.  “If you lose hope,” he said, “somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all.”

For this reason, I beg that you would find something solid to rest your weight on.  A hope that is certain in the most uncertain of times.  A hope that is constant and unchanging.  One that you know you can rest your weight on and live to tell about it.  It won’t be riches.  It won’t be that nice car or nice home.  It won’t even be a husband or a wife that loves you.  Anything of this life passes away.  It changes and fades and dies.  Find that certain, unchanging hope and you will find real life.  Life worth living.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ!  According to His great mercy, He has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead…”

- 1 Peter 1:3 (ESV)

Take a Seat

What is faith?  There are so many different places and ways I have seen it used.  Sometimes I wonder if those who use it, even myself, realize what we are implying when we say it.  And what does it mean to me today?  As I began to probe I found out several things.  First, and perhaps the most revealing, is that faith is a noun.  You have faith, you don’t ‘do’ faith.  Faith, in and of itself, is not an action or an event or anything at all taking place.  The verb version of this word we use even more commonly than the noun.  To believe.  Quite simply, to have faith in something or someone you have to believe or trust it.

What I also found is that this can mean a whole lot of things.  I looked to real life situations for insight.  For example, for many years man has dreamt of flight but only in relatively recent history have we attained it.  Years ago men would strap large apparatuses to there arms and legs in order to mimic the flight of birds.  They honestly believed that if they were to simply flap hard enough they would lift up into the air.  Their belief was reflected by their actions.  Some were so certain, so trusting in these machines that they would jump off cliffs demonstrating their complete trust and belief.  They really did believe their machines would work.  As they came crashing down it became evident that their faith was misplaced.  They believed something they thought was the truth but, as they soon discovered, was not.

I was recently helping run a climbing tower. Every time we had a group of people come in to use the climbing wall we explained all the safety precautions. We explained how the climbing tower was built around 4 steel reinforced hydro poles (massive cement pillars) that hardened for a full year before the rest of the construction began. The wood used in the construction was a high quality lumber not normally even available inside Canada. The tower was built one level at a time then given a year to settle. When the tower was finally completed after years of painstaking diligence engineers were asked to come examine it. After doing their various tests they exclaimed that the tower was over four times as strong as it was required to be. In fact they went as far as to say that if a hurricane like storm was to come through, even one as powerful as Hurricane Katrina, the climbing tower would be left undamaged. We then went on to explain that all the equipment that we would use was specifically designed for climbing. The rope we used had enough strength to pick up a small car or elephant (around 2000 pounds). We went on and on about the safety precautions we had gone to. The truth of the matter was, and still is, to climb that tower is safer than getting in a car and driving to work. The fact was the tower was completely safe. It was the climber’s choice whether to believe it or not. There were so many times that climbers would get 6 feet up the 40 foot tower and freeze. They did not have faith that the rope and the harnesses and all the other safety equipment would keep them from harm. Because of their unbelief they froze.

True faith is always followed with belief, a response.  If you really believe you can fly with that pair of fake wings then you will give it a shot even though what you believe is not true(as you would soon find out).  However, no matter how obvious a fact or truth is, it does not mean that we believe what is known to be true and as a result our lack of faith will be reflected by inaction.

Let me give you an example.  I imagine most readers are, at this point, sitting on a chair or perhaps laying back on their sofa.  Before you sat down did you examine the structural integrity of the object you were about to intrust your life with?  Did you carefully examine each joint for cracks or any sign of weakness or fatigue?  Perhaps you picked up the chair, if it was light enough, and slammed it down on the ground a few times to see if it could really take a beating?  And maybe, just maybe, you carefully measured out your equivalent weight and eased it on the chair to see if the chair could really support your weight.  Of course not!  Your faith that the chair can support your weight is reflected by your action of belief to sit down in the chair.

So what does all this mean for me?  This draws me to question what I have faith in.  Is what I have faith in worthy of the honour?  Is it truth?  Can I sit back on it with confidence as you now sit in your chair?  Or is it an unfounded belief?  As I go to sit back on that proverbial chair will I find myself falling?  Time to examine and test whether what I have faith in, what I believe to be true, is really true at all.

What makes a good blog anyways?

Today as I was advocating the beginnings of my first blog to my family around the kitchen table I encounter an interesting question.  “Why should I read your blog?”  Worthwhile question to be sure.  But how could I answer their question if I was not even sure of the answer for myself never mind a host of other questions.  What will this blog be about?  What is the purpose, the intent, the goal?  Or is there one?  Will it just be a little insight to the thoughts and ponderings of yours truly or have common content and theme?  What makes a good blog good anyways?  These are some of the questions that began to whirl through my mind.

It sounds mundane and stereotypical but my intent is to do a bit of all of this.  I will not be purposefully advertising a specific overall theme, but as you get to know me and I share my thoughts one may become evident.  As you read it is my hope that you would get insight into what is running through my mind.  As I continue to share, more common strains, ideas, and themes may come through.  Not intentionally, but as a result of simply who I am.  Hopefully that is at least in some regard interesting.  Insight into the life of Matthew Walton as he breaks the mold he has found himself in.

Does that make for a good blog?  One worth reading?  Well… I guess we will find out!

As to the Title…

As I sat watching a hockey game today, a thought was introduced to me by my brother.  Blogging.  I hadn’t considered it previously.  As I considered what to name the blog the first thing I recognized was that it was going to take more thought and time than I expected to maintain a blog.  Although watching a hockey game didn’t help my thoughtfulness, I’m sure it took me a good 2 hours to decide on a blog title. 

Breaking the Mold – First off I must clear up the word Mold.  A mold is ‘a distinctive form in which a thing is made or a container into which liquid is poured to create a give shape when it hardens’.  I don’t think I need to clear up the definition of the preceding two words.

Let me give you a scenario.  There is this small town where everyone knows everyone.  They know if you are in the cool or not so cool group and you know absolutely everyone your age.  You lived from the moment you were born until moving away three years ago. Over the past three years away from home you have experienced and learned things, made friends and contacts and various other things.  All in all you lived in a very different manner than you did in that small town you grew up in those many years.  Then you come back.  What you didn’t realize in the three years you spent away is immediately apparent.  You’ve changed.  The person you were and the person you now are are very, very different.  This person is me.

I now find myself back in this place that molded me for the first 18 years of my life.  I have changed.  The problem is, the mold hasn’t.  The people I had known for so long haven’t changed and they think the same should be true with me too.  I now find myself surrounded by places, people and circumstances that are trying to force me back into the shape of this mold I once fit so well.  People expect me to be unaltered and changeless.  Cookie cutter like.  All I am left to do is to break this ruthless, old mold.